Tomoko Murakami, a member of the all-female comic troupe Mori Sanchu that gets its laughs taking the Mickey out of being plain, caused a stir in the media with the announcement of her marriage. The 28-year-old comic pronounced her husband "the first guy I've ever dated" and then promptly revealed they had tied the knot within three weeks of meeting. I sincerely hope that her happiness will last long.

Fuss over the marriage hasn't been confined only to TV reports. I've received a number of mails from women saying things like "how come that homely Murakami can find a feller and I can't?" then wanting some clues as to how to go about finding Mr. Right.

To do that, I'd like to go back to the Greek myth surrounding Androgynous. Androgyny, of course, means in possession of both sexes. But the Androgynous of myth had two heads, four arms and four legs, which meant freedom of movement was impossible and whatever Androgynous did was trouble. The gods looked down on Androgynous and took pity at the situation, so split Androgynous in two. The gods told both the bodies they were now free to get around as they liked. The bodies promptly did so, going off in separate directions and never meeting again.

It wasn't quite a happy ending, though. Time passed and though the respective bodies that had once been joined together as Androgynous thoroughly enjoyed their lives. Until night, when they would each look back and remember all the trouble they used to cause just by trying to move and began pining for the attention it had brought them. They began to wonder about what had happened to their former other half. Despite all the troubles it had brought them -- they couldn't move freely, had no freedom and were virtually stuck on whatever spot they had found themselves -- the respective parts of Androgynous began a lonely longing for the time when they had been joined. They each desired to meet their other part and then began a long and fruitless search for the person who had once been an inseparable part of them. I guess you could say that going through puberty is something akin to the search each part of Androgynous conducted for the other.

Personally, I think the secret to finding a partner in treating other people exactly the same way you want to be treated yourself. I'm sure that's the kind of treatment people look for. And the best way to meet their needs is start by working on yourself.

Pretend there's a guy looking for a girlfriend who he imagines skiing down the slopes together with. The dreamer is seeking an encounter, but he shouldn't just go out looking for any woman to become his girlfriend. Even if he did, for example, find a girlfriend, there's no guarantee that she'd be into skiing the way he'd like her to be to make his dream come true. The best thing he can do would be to polish on his skiing skills. I say go out on the slopes and become a fantastic skier. By becoming a great skier, he'll make himself irresistible and win the heart of some woman. And because all this is happening on the slopes, they're much more likely to keep going back to ski again, fulfilling his long-held desire.

We have an inordinately large number of self-centered desires. We think about meeting up with wonderful new people, but often have our heads in the clouds and never truly realize that we should be thinking about become one part of a whole.

You often hear of a celebrity marrying and quickly divorcing, a couple that were supposed to have been in love but are no longer, or a man who once recognized love for his wife at one time turning violent on her.

When you meet somebody who feels as though combined you make two parts of the same person, you enjoy speaking together, gaze longingly at each other, express your love verbally, cuddle, kiss and, after a while, have sex. But these acts can actually lead to an unexpected peril, too.

Sex without using birth control can lead to unwanted pregnancy. This sometimes ends in abortion. Sometimes, it can also lead to contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. There is no 100 percent foolproof method to prevent unwanted pregnancy or STD contraction among the sexually active, but if you consider that finding the search for a soul mate involves treating the other person just like you'd want to be treated, you'll take steps to avoid the woman becoming pregnant or venereal disease being transmitted among the couple. If you're thinking about the other person involved, have a precautionary examination, get treatment if necessary and make every effort to use a condom properly. If you truly feel a partner is joined with you as two parts of the same whole, I'd like you to act this way.

So, the secret to finding someone to love starts with making yourself better. (By Dr. Kunio Kitamura, special to the Mainichi)

Copyright 2005-2006 THE MAINICHI NEWSPAPERS. All rights reserved. Mainichi features the best news in Japan, current news in Japan, Japan news in English, Japan business news, Tokyo Japan news, and Japan entertainment news. Mainichi News is syndicated in accordance with editorial regulations: personal and noncommercial purposes.

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